Hi everyone, my name is Lindsay. I’m a married homeschool mama of 2 boys ages 5 and 10. If you would’ve asked me a decade ago where I thought I’d be- this wouldn’t have been it!
In September of 2011, I was living in a van with my boyfriend, addicted to heroin and pain pills. We travelled here and there finding work where we could. Our addiction was the center of our lives.
One morning I woke up sick, then the next and the next. I suspected that I may be pregnant and bought a drug store test. It came back positive! Panic and denial settled in as I thought “those aren’t always accurate; I need a professional test.” I googled free pregnancy testing and The Center for Life Choices popped up, as did Planned Parenthood. For some reason I was drawn to the former.
I made an appt with them then sat with a cascade of emotions! I was scared. Scared of all the lifestyle changes I would have to make if I wanted to have this baby. So many restrictions! I lived a feral life for so long, was I even capable of being a good parent? A strong feeling of unworthiness crept into my heart. But there was something else there too-Hope. Would this finally be the change I needed to end the dead-end trajectory I was on?
I was encouraged by some friends who had a baby that I could do it. But I was also frowned upon by others. I could see the disgust on their faces that a loser like me was considering having a baby. I was told to abort. How could a junkie living in a van ever be a good mother? Even though I was lost and unsure about what I was doing I stopped using drugs. Looking back on it my mothering instincts were already kicking in.
Appointment time came. Now I can’t remember every detail and word said, but what I’ll never forget is the feeling I felt. The feeling of worth and true woman empowerment. I was encouraged in a very gentle way that I could do this!
My mind was made up when I left there. I saw the ultrasound photo, my baby. He was called a baby. Words matter when you’re this vulnerable. The kind woman asked me about myself, my life, my beliefs, and if the dad was around. She seemed to really care. I didn’t let her get too close because I was still scared and paranoid of people (hello feral). I shudder to think what would’ve happened if I went to Planned Parenthood instead. Stuff of nightmares.
My boyfriend and the father of my baby was happy to become a father and support us. The decision to keep my baby was the 1st step of many that God used to call me to Him.
So, we were going to be parents! So much to do. We needed a house first and foremost. Now I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “God knows what He’s doing,” I can truly say with utmost confidence that this is true! We landed a house right up the street from Community Baptist Church. The church is famous for “The Sign”. A big sign right off the highway that boasts bible verses, witty Christian word plays, and biblical encouragement. My personal fav is “If you’re looking for a sign, this it!”
My baby boy was about 2 months old when I realized I couldn’t do this alone. I had my boyfriend but the type of support I needed was bigger than both of us. I needed The Lord’s holy and pure Love! I still had thoughts of using drugs creep in and it scared me. Even though I was sober and doing “good”, I still didn’t have the forgiveness of a Savior! Being good doesn’t get you to Heaven no matter what the world says. I still had years of sin and bad habits to untangle.
One Sunday I packed up my li’l boy, whom I named Townes, and drove toward the sign. I had long dreadlocks, tattoos, messy clothes, but a heart wide open! Everyone was so kind and warm, it just felt right to be there. I continued to come on Sundays, then the potlucks, then bible studies, and pretty much whatever was going on, I was there for it with a dish to share in one hand and a baby in the other.
Celebrate Recovery came to our church and I completed the program and became a leader working with the children in Celebration Place while their parents went to the meetings.
The sermons were sometimes painful, the word of God is living and active it cut through every false pretense I had about living in this world. The main ones were not being married and the Biblical order of the home. God made sure I knew and understood without a doubt His thoughts on these issues. But society says I must be a boss-babe, money-making machine to have any worth. I can’t be “JUST a mom and housewife”. I shouldn’t rely on and submit to my husband! Should I?
But wait… what is this hidden treasure of love and protection God designed for man and wife and family? The code is in Ephesians, Colossians, 1 Tim, and Titus to name a few. I am so thankful that He wanted me holy and blameless! The church was so supportive of me and showed great love and tenderness, but also didn’t sugarcoat Biblical truths.
Marshall and I got married! We also had another baby we named Asaph. Then my life once again took an unexpected turn. The Lord started to call me to homeschool my son when Townes was 5. It’s been one of the best decisions for our family! I get to personally raise up my children in the joy and admonition of The Lord. Is it easy? No! rewarding? Yes!
As my kids grow older I am determined to break the cycle of dysfunction that has plagued my family for generations. Jesus is the only way. I mean truly. I’ve tried other ways; I’ve seen other people try other ways and it just doesn’t work. Sex is sacred and should be shared in the confines of marriage between a man and a woman. God’s ways are pure and true and for our protection.
As I reflect on my journey, I am thankful that God used The Center for Life Choices to help knock that 1st domino in motion. I am also thankful for my precious church family who has been there every step of the way, bearing with me through thick and thin to continue the process. God used my pregnancy to get my attention! I fully believe children are blessings of the lord. I was formerly pro-choice in my old life. I am now proudly and lovingly PRO-LIFE! Thank you everyone for listening to my story.
